I believe most of us have forgotten the simplicity in flying. It’s not brain-rocket-surgery-science, folks. The mechanics and fundamentals [as well as the anatomy for perplex creatures such as eagles, swallows, dragons, phoenices [now the plural for phoenix], griffins, bat-falcons, Cheap Cheaps [copyright], and ostriches [one of the more lazy and more corpulent birds in the Sruthionidae family] just disguise flying to be this pre-conceived notion just short of nonviable. But don’t fall for such fabricated wing-flapping foolery [also see; Cassowaries] and adhere to my 3 easy steps to flying; crash course of course.
Step 1: As valid as Santa Clause still is during our time and age, so is Tinker Bell, except she makes her appearance known, more supple, and comes sporadically as opposed to once a year. She’s also exponentially more petite, miniature, and attractive. Her sleek tender legs and mini skirt combo often lead to arousal and alluring possibilities; do not let your hormones take authority. Instead, greet her fashionably and introduce yourself humbly.
Step 2: Think of a happy thought. If your father beat you to indescribable measures without mercy or to a ruddy stained bloodbath of memory loss [until I reminded you] I advise you to stray from such thoughts. The most common thoughts are of making sex, money, or ice cream. Some kind of delectable treat or snack might help for more hefty individuals [see; Americans]. A stimulant might help as well [see; marijuana, reefer, and ganja. Possibly ‘shrooms] but be sure attend to these narcotics before the neurotic fairy arrives for she is an advocate of staying above the influence. Once the happy thought is embedded within, refrain from all heroine use and electrolyte intake.
Step 3: Lay back and let the pixie dust shower over you. A tingly sensation might occur but this is normal. All side effects will most likely occur [all at once] that include:
Heart failure
Acrophobia or fear of heights
Depression
Short-term memory loss
Erectile Dysfunction
Drowsiness
Nose bleeds
Nausea
Breaking out in Song & Dance
Heroic adventures
Loss of appetite
Pregnancy
Malformation of lower intestines
Increase in gas prices
